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“‘OK, ma’am, calm down,’ the voice on the phone tells her, and then asks, ‘So just tell me, how do we get to your home?’
“‘In your big red fire truck … duh,’ the blonde answers.”
George did a double take and let out a very modest chuckle. “Is that the best you’ve got?”
“Must be my delivery,” the orb responded. “When I overheard one of your pals at the barbecue tell that joke, he got a big laugh,” the orb apologized.
“Well, I’ll give you a second chance,” George suggested, warming to his visitor, who did seem like a good guy.
“OK. This joke is about three construction workers working on a high-rise in New York City,” Harry started with renewed enthusiasm.
“The first construction worker is Italian. He opens his lunch box and groans, ‘I can’t believe it. My wife, I know she loves me, but every single day for lunch she packs me a meatball sandwich. If she gives me a meatball sandwich again tomorrow, I swear I’ll jump off this building.’
“‘Dios mío!’ shouts the second construction worker, a strong Mexican laborer with a hairy chest. ‘Another burrito. If my wife gives me a burrito for lunch again tomorrow, I swear I’ll join you and jump off this building as well.’
“The third construction worker is a huge blond from Sweden. He opens his lunch and curses, ‘This must be the one-thousandth straight day I have had a baloney sandwich for lunch. If I have baloney again tomorrow I’ll join both of you in jumping off this roof.’
“The next day, the Italian opens his lunch box and sure enough, there is a meatball submarine sandwich. He looks at the Mexican and the Swede, and true to his word, he jumps off the roof to the ground below. The Mexican opens his lunch pail and finds another burrito. Without any hesitation he too jumps two hundred feet to his death below. Now, the burly blond from Sweden opens his lunch bag, sees the baloney sandwich, and jumps, joining his coworkers on the street below. All three are smashed to smithereens.
“Three days later there is a funeral for the three construction workers. The wife of the deceased Italian is weeping and crying. ‘If only I had known that Luigi was really ready to die over this, I would have prepared a different lunch for him.’
“The wife of the Mexican joins in, ‘And I would never have prepared a burrito for José had I known he was so tired of eating them.’
“The wife of the Swede stands up and in a loud voice warns everyone, ‘Don’t look at me … Nils always made his own lunch.’”
George gave out a full-bodied laugh and complimented Harry, “Say, that’s the first dumb blond joke about a man I have ever heard, and I think it’s pretty good.”
“I have more jokes—” Harry offered, but George interrupted him.
“No, I don’t think I want to hear any more jokes right now. I really just want to go back to bed and get away from this dream. You know you don’t even exist.”
“No, George, I really do exist. My name is Harry the Hilarious and I need to borrow your body for a few months. You can still reside in there too, but we need to share it until I accomplish my mission.” Harry was being his most persuasive. “You will hardly know I’m around. I do need your permission, but if you don’t give it to me I can arrange for your indigestion to get much worse.”
At this point George was too tired to fight. “Well, as long as I can get back to sleep while you are sharing my body, I guess it will be OK,” George confirmed, heading back to the guest room.
“Then we have a deal,” Harry beamed. “I knew you would come around. You’ll see. We’ll have some laughs and you’ll be glad you let me visit you.”
“Whatever, knock yourself out. Just let me get some sleep,” George mumbled as he finally lay down, indigestion free. “What a relief to have no more gas” was his last thought as he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
CHAPTER TWENTY
KARL’S CONCERNS
ONE OF THE PRIVILEGES of being appointed to the Council of Twelve was unlimited use of the guesthouse for the Twelve on planet Naranjada. Calling it a “guesthouse” was somewhat of an understatement, as it was a palatial residence with swimming pools and two gourmet restaurants, as well as groomed gardens overlooking the ocean, a library, a music room, and an entertainment center on which holograms from every planet in the universe could be selected and played for both information and entertainment.
Karl and Lily had decided to stay an extra evening at the guesthouse. Partially, they wanted to rest up for the task ahead, but they also wanted to view the hologram of Harry contacting George Bush to be sure that the walk-in was successful.
“That was a close one,” sighed Karl when George finally acknowledged that he was OK with Harry sharing his body.
“Yes, and I am not really sure George was aware that he was saying yes,” added Lily. “And what happens if George changes his mind? Can he reject Harry and force him to depart?”
“No, I have long experience with walking in myself,” Karl explained. “I have been a walk-in more than twenty times in the last two thousand years on that planet. Once a walk-in is accepted, the host cannot force the walk-in to leave. Of course, most walk-ins will leave if asked, but in the case of a mission as important as ours, none of us would acquiesce.”
“I had no idea you had been a walk-in before,” Lily remarked, surprised. “This is my first time. I hope I will enjoy the experience.”
“In my case, I have always found being a walk-in most enjoyable. You get to understand the appetites of these humans and why they are, for the most part, so primitive. Plus, there are some addicting aspects to their lives that are actually hard to give up when you leave,” Karl shared.
“Addictions? What do you mean? Addictions do not sound pleasant at all,” Lily queried, still calm but concerned.
“Just normal addictions to foods like sugar and salt. Occasionally I found myself missing the taste of alcohol. And of course as a man, I found the sexual act quite enjoyable as well,” Karl commented nonchalantly.
“You had sex with these humans? Will that be necessary for me in this case?” Lily asked with growing alarm.
“Hard for me to know for certain, but from what we saw in the hologram, Inéz and Jim have a strong relationship, and I assume they are having sex on a regular basis. You can ‘check out’ during the act if you want, but I think if you stay present you will enjoy it. The sex act, when combined with true love and passion, is one of the most exquisite experiences you can have in human form.”
“I know a great deal about love, and of course am not a prude when it comes to acts of true love, so I guess I will be able to handle it,” Lily commented, becoming more comfortable with the idea.
“Good,” Karl agreed. “It will make your walk-in experience more enjoyable and allow you even greater insight into Inéz as your host. You may learn something about her husband, Jim, in the process, and the more we know about how to motivate them and their friends toward correct action, the better. This is not an easy task we have taken on. We were quick to think we could undo the consequences of releasing The Book of the Dream, and now that we know that the Illuminati themselves, the very souls to whom I granted special powers over the last two thousand years, are the ones causing the problem, I rue even more my past actions as Kingmaker.”
“Tell me more about the Illuminati and what powers you granted them, and when this all began,” Lily said.
“More than two thousand years ago I started to ponder the nature of the evolution of the universe. I noticed that the beings on Earth 769 were primitive and had no real structure for governing themselves and their world. They had tribal leaders and had just started to organize themselves into groups of alliances among tribes. The most powerful men and women back then rose to power and made decisions for the other members of their tribe. Too often those not part of the decision-making group would rebel and create chaos that hurt the entire group. I reasoned that with some help, those making the decisions could learn to control the dissidents and creat
e a more organized and better world,” Karl explained.
“That seems logical. What happened next?” Lily asked.
“Before I knew it, these leaders were calling themselves kings and lords and using a concept known as the ‘divine right of kings’ to rule their people. They created religions and used the religions to certify that they were closer to God and had an inside track on universal truths. I observed that many bad deeds were being performed in the name of God and that the lie that the rulers were more divine than the common people was pernicious at many levels.”
“So what happened next?” Lily asked.
“So far I had just been an observer without participating in what was unfolding, but it seemed to me that planet Earth 769 offered an ideal opportunity to create a controlled experiment in which I could test to see if actual divine inspiration could create a more just planet. I asked The One if it would be all right for me to descend as a walk-in on Earth 769 to try my hand at readjusting the nature of kingship on the planet. When he approved, I was delighted.”
“So what personality did you approach as your first walk-in experience?” Lily asked.
“I started with King Solomon and then King David, both of Israel. They were astute men who did not need much guidance. I would come for just a few days to each of them and continued with other personalities throughout history on Earth 769, including some of the very first popes. Overall, I was pleased that I was making a positive difference.”
“I am sure you were,” Lily affirmed.
“But real progress was not made until I decided to help out Lorenzo de’ Medici. He was a wealthy banker and patron of the arts living in Florence, Italy. I liked his sense of style and commitment to beauty. He funded the work of Michelangelo and many other great artists. He was a brilliant man.”
“And how did you help him?”
“I focused on instructing him on how to create a banking system that would allow people to increase trade and commerce and create greater wealth outside of just the royals. To ensure that this banking system would not be corrupted, I seeded the organization of the Illuminati. In the beginning, through my connection with Lorenzo de’ Medici, I was able to attract the best families not only in Italy but in most of the countries throughout Europe to participate. I gave them plans and created the secret organization and then left.”
“Well, it seems you were successful. When did things go wrong?”
“I was successful, but I reappeared many times in other personalities to ensure that members of the Illuminati would reach out to people outside of Europe, first in the Americas and then throughout Asia. I made certain the Illuminati would include Russians, Slavs, Arabs, Chinese, and Japanese. I explained to members of the Illuminati and their families that money was the most effective way to prevent any single ruler or religion from controlling others. I made them understand that through their control of the money systems of the planet, they would become the true kings and be able to protect against the abuses that had too often been part of the rule of traditional kings and queens throughout their history on Earth 769.”
“Is this when you were given the nickname Kingmaker?” Lily interjected.
“Yes, it was. Such great wealth was created using my advice that I truly had become the Kingmaker. Things got to the point where the 319 families of the Illuminati controlled more than ninety percent of the wealth of the entire planet. I had never foreseen the system working so well and escalating out of control so quickly,” Karl sighed.
“Can’t you just undo the system?” Lily wondered.
“No. Sadly, this idea that something can be undone is not realistic. That is not the way the universe works. We can replace what we have done with something new, but we cannot undo what is done,” Karl stated emphatically.
“So how are we going to convince the Illuminati to change their behavior?”
“There is only one way to get humans to change their behavior,” Karl asserted with conviction. “We must get them to change their thinking.”
“And how will we do this?”
“That is precisely our mission and why we have agreed to be walkins. My belief is that we must assemble the leaders of the Illuminati and help them realize that they no longer need to use fear and manipulation to ensure the evolution and destiny of their planet.”
“Do you think we will be successful?”
“I do not know,” Karl responded gloomily. “I feel on a very deep level that this entire situation has been of my own making and that ultimately if we fail, it will have all been my fault.”
Seeing Karl’s somber expression, Lily took him by the hand and gave him a kiss on the cheek. In a reassuring tone she told him, “Oh, Karl, you are such a brilliant being, and clearly your intentions from the start were only to help. I know that The One would not chastise you for any of your actions. The universe is vast and wide, and we can never know for certain when our actions will create joy or sadness. Let us enter our walk-in assignments with joy and hope. We can do no more than try.”
“You are as sweet as you are lovely, Lily,” Karl smiled back. “But in the end, the fate of the known and unknown universes is in our hands, and we must take responsibility for what will happen next. I go with hope and clarity of intent, as do you and as have Harry and Abigail. On planet Earth 769 we will face many challenges, but I agree with you that we must find joy in our mission.”
“So be it. Time is passing. We must leave at once.”
“Yes, the hologram shows Horatio Rhinegold skiing down a slope in Aspen, Colorado. It is time for Horatio to have a gentle fall.”
Even before Karl’s thoughts had reached Lily, he had vanished from the guesthouse on planet Naranjada.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE LIGHT
ASPEN, COLORADO
HORATIO LOVED TO SKI. He had been skiing since he was a teenager, and at eighty years of age he could still ski moguls and the triple black diamond runs reserved exclusively for expert skiers. He liked the expert runs because generally fewer skiers used those runs, and he could ski as fast as he liked without being concerned that he might come upon other skiers.
Horatio especially liked skiing at the end of the day when the mountain was practically his alone. He would time his skiing day so that he would take the very last gondola to the top of the mountain just minutes before the gondola would stop operating. When he arrived on the top, he would put on his skis and ski to the side, waiting for the final gondola riders to start their descent.
Horatio could, if he chose, ski the entire mountain from top to bottom in less than nine minutes. His wife, Natalie, was also a good skier but could not ski at that pace, so most afternoons he would ski with Natalie for four or five runs, and then she would go back to their condo to prepare a light meal to be served with one of their own vineyard’s wines while Horatio took his last run or two on his own.
That afternoon Horatio was reflecting on how fortunate he had been to marry Natalie and how wonderful the last ten years of his life had been with her. He had loved his first wife, but as happens with many long-term marriages, the connection became more about raising the children and sharing duties related to his business than about being with a soul mate who could help him realize his more authentic ambitions to make a positive difference in the world. Natalie had been such a partner, actually taking the lead in convincing Horatio to donate his time to the University of Santa Barbara in helping to teach the first undergraduate course on business ethics in the California university system. The course was so popular that Horatio decided to fund an entire department of business ethics, and that was what led to his creation of the Secular Ethics Center for Global Abundance and Peace. SEC for GAP, as it was known, had already attracted world leaders such as the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu and business leaders ranging from Richard Branson to Bill Gates and Warren Buffett. Often these luminaries would come to speak to students or would provide generous grants for special projects. Horatio believed that
common sense and just doing what was right were the keys to creating a better world, and he was proud that Natalie had motivated him to continue to be active in these intellectual and business circles and not just focus on skiing, tennis, and producing fine wines. But he did love his skiing.
The Sun was just beginning to set when Horatio started down the mountain. He was feeling particularly strong and decided to challenge himself by going off the primary trail and picking his way through the trees in an area that was marked “out of bounds” but that he had skied frequently before. He was enjoying the crunch as he broke through the crust of unskied terrain, swerving expertly, avoiding tree branches by inches. He was about to make a turn and come to a stop so he could catch one last glimpse of the Sun sparkling on the adjacent mountain when he caught the edge of his ski and, to his complete surprise, lost his balance and went barreling up against a low-hanging branch as he fell to the ground. The safety binding released and he tucked and rolled as he fell, avoiding the trunk of the tree and only hitting the branch, whose needles fell from the crash, covering him with twigs and green needles from head to toe.
Horatio had not fallen in several years. He was more shocked by the fact that he had fallen than concerned about the fall itself. He found himself breathing hard and noticed that blood was streaming from his forehead. Horatio had, despite Natalie’s protestations, refused to wear a ski helmet. “I’m no damn amateur,” he had told her. “Besides, I can’t feel the wind in my hair with those helmets, and it just doesn’t seem like skiing to me,” he had stated, concluding with a tone of finality that Natalie knew indicated Horatio was not going to compromise. After several similar attempts to influence him to be more careful when skiing, she had given up trying to change him.